Molly's xmas list.

Man I did the smart thing I straight up asked Molly what she would want for Christmas you know like on a list because I hate to do the guessing game. Last year at this time we were in some bad shakes and I just guessed that she would like some low-top Converse (she did, and I was hugely relieved) but I figure a guy ain't got to go through worrisome times just on account of givin' a present. A Christmas list is a completely normal thing, and dudes everywhere can ask for it. Ask for one from your lady or dude or top-bear or whatever you have, it will save you a lot of problems.

Here is her list:

1. LL Bean "Snuggle Sox" navy size M

2. "The Winding Sheet," new historical detective fiction by H. Maude Cummings (she goes through this stuff like crazy)

3. Massage

4. Pedicure

5. Manicure (I guess you could combine all three but if all three happen on the same day then maybe the lady goes into a fugue state or catatonic trance or wants to meet Seal or something, don't want to risk that)

6. Tazo "Passion" herbal tea bags (I have had these and they taste ok)

7. This one funny "shrug" they sell downtown (a "shrug" is kind of this small useless cutesy coat) that looks like you are wearing an anime panda hide

8. (this is not actually on the list) There is this funny "designed" pink box of wine at the grocery store and she always jokes that it would be fun to have it, but we never get it because we are not at box wine level. However since this is Christmas you can be kind of frivolous and maybe I will put it in the fridge with a shiny bow on it. Since it will be bad I will put Sangria elements next to it, perhaps in a nice plastic container.

Next up is I probably got to make my own Christmas list. I always have a hard time with this and eventually end up just asking if she'll cook me some sirloin and eggs sometime when I'm not expecting it. To me that is a good gift, and not too costly, considering I only want it once.

Man this time I got dragged to the yarn store

Uh huh so it seems a thing, based on my research, is that younger ladies are all into knitting now. It is like sort of a backlash or something, after all that 80s and 90s stuff where a lady had to prove that she was also a man. Anyhow, Molly is also into knitting but I guess she always was, because she was already good at it when I first noticed her doing it. She was making me a cardigan sweater with my favorite President's head on the two front pockets (FDR, people, I mean come on, the man was President for like fifty-eight years) and she ran out of the color of yarn for his face so she had to go to Spinnin' Yarns yarn store down next to the motorcycle repair shop and that VCR repair place which is always closed. I thought I could get some curly fries on the way (I was mildly appetized at the time) and so I went with her. Well wouldn't you guess it but Spinnin' Yarns is also a Boring Place, much like the bead shop.

There is all this shelving with little balls or braids of yarn, and kind of this soft smell, and a long table where a few people were knitting and maybe showing each other instructions on how to perform a certain knit. I did what I always do which is just dig my nose into the nearest book rack, which in this case was a lot of books and magazines with really beautiful young models on the cover, but they were wearin' just the dowdiest old knitted ponchos and shawls you would not believe. It was like, if you wanted to have a picture of a beautiful girl looking halfway believable, the first thing you would do would be to take off the dowdy shawl and go "oh, sorry, man why did I even think that was believable. Because it was not."

I was checking out the knitting instruction code on how to make a small tomato-lookin' hat for a baby when out of the corner of my eye I saw one of the shop ladies walk by, and she had a pretty bad hobbledy-leg, that kind where the one leg is shorter than the other by several inches. I always feel bad when I see that kind of stuff so I made sure not to notice. I continued to read about the tomato-lookin' hat and even moved on to this one where the baby can have a strawberry-lookin' hat (very similar code) when another lady piped up at my shoulder and said "Why don't you have a seat, dear! You'll be much more comfortable!" and pointed to the advanced knitting table. I said thanks and I will in a bit, and she smiled and walked off. The weird thing was that this lady had humpity-knee, that one where the leg seems to collapse inward at the knee every time it is used to take a step, and the shoe on that leg gets real worn out on the inside of its sole.

Pretty soon Molly had figured out where the yarn she needed for FDR's face was and I came to the counter to pay for the stuff (she is taking all this time on the thing, I should at least help pay you know). Man would you believe it but this third yarn store lady who came up to run the register had sass foot, that condition where every time you lift your foot while walking the foot just shakes around like crazy until you set it down again. (Sass foot people can walk at a normal pace, but it looks completely insane.)

I didn't mention this to Molly but when we were walkin' back home I definitely tried to perceive anything unusual about her gait which might amplify in time. Maybe there is a degenerative chemical in some yarns, like how old hat makers used to get mercury poisoning. I got to get on Google and do some research.