bad weekend

Dog so mainly I had a pretty bad weekend, it was a big thing going on at Ray's and Molly had some new spring dresses I could tell she wanted to dud up at the party, plus the weather has been good, and Téodor has been pretty on as far as email goes lately, and I was supposed to go to Ray's party and cool on it. However I did not want to.

First of all Showbiz called and he was pretty Needy (by Needy I mean he was on the meth and talking like Sharon Stone Casino fast) so I let him talk for a while and since I was in a bad mood I let my brother just blabber and when he finally thought his rhetoric had worn me down I said "dang man but that is bad. But I ain't got some green for you, you know, since right now is bad for me too." I could completely tell that he was used to people using that syntax and idea so it went pretty easy, he just said "Yeah" and hung up.

Secondly none of the nails on my right side have grown for over two weeks and I am sure I can trace this to a pretty bad vitamin deficiency or a tumor blocking the vitamins from going down my bloodstream on the right side. I am concerned about this. I might have haemoplasia or also series-10 duralitis. I guess I got to go down to the Lemoni center and get some bloodwork done this week. Dang but that is sour.

TiVo

So Molly got this spare TiVo box from Tina since Tina had upgraded her box to one that holds more shows. She brought it to the pool house and I set up a little wireless router that connects to a USB receiver device on the unit. A phone call later and we had the TiVo service. It is essentially amazing. Basically it is a proactive VCR with a great GUI and when you wake up the next day it has like sixteen shows you completely want to see. And you can toggle past the ads with like a simple flick of the button. Dogg it up.

I have it recording all kinds of X-Files as well as Arrested Development, and even on a lark I am having it tape this cooking show by Jacques Pepin (old school French cook) where he does nutty stuff like make complicated food real accessible to the average dummy, including braised beef and like fun French pastas which include eggs.

Okay so I am talking about TiVo. You probably already know all this stuff. If you will excuse me I will just go watch the TiVo and not prattle on about how I like to watch TV. If my blog was as sophisticated as TiVo, you would probably be able to apply for a rebate.

I had to go to the mall for a while

I mean it's crazy but why is it that sometimes when you go to the mall you see a really horrible cross-section of types of problems that can befall the body or mind.

Yesterday I went on down to the Bel Via SouthSide Arcade because Molly got this one gift certificate for some Lady Foot Locker shoes and I was like sure, I will go with you. I like when she has cute shoes on and I definitely have not liked some of the shoes she has chosen in the past.

Anyhow it was a pretty crowded day at the mall and it was one of those Sad Days, you know, when the public assistance groups have all converged on the mall as that day's outing. I saw a lot of bad stuff and it was profoundly depressing. Here is a list of the stuff that I saw while we were trying to buy a fun pair of sporty shoes for my lady.

1) Molly went into this one store to look at swimsuit tops and since it was pretty crowded I decided to stay out of the fray and hang in the atrium in front of the store. A kind of big-butt lady was walking towards me so I looked in her direction kind of carefully, making sure my glance was casting across her as she walked, so as to imply that I had been sweeping my gaze in that direction regardless of her presence. Dang but this lady had a thick purple birthmark across the right half of her face, and it was thick like a scab, the skin did not behave like regular face skin. It kind of gave her a dummy-pinch and the real sad part was that you could tell she was not a dummy, just deformed. Whenever I see a person like that all deformed by skin conditions, in my mind I try to make a situation where a man who really loves her treats her right and sees her true self, like a nice Jason Alexander. Maybe that is the only way I can move on. I know that that woman will probably have a pretty hard time finding a boyfriend who is not fraught with his own issues, though.

2) Retard square dancing.
Well, the square dancers themselves were not retarded, but they were performing in the main open area in front of the entrance to Macy's and all these really retarded people were sitting on the planterbox benches and also on the ground, watching the dancers. The square dancers were obviously this horribly embarrassed group of church kids in embroidered denim shirts who were being led around the basic square dance moves by this old man in a bolo tie and pervert smile, like he was their youth group leader, and he kept staring at the little girl with the microphone to make sure she kept saying the "do-si-do" square dance words. He had a smile the whole time, even though you could tell he was mad at how bad everybody was fucking up. The square dancing the kids did was among the most uncomfortable forced adolescent activity I have ever seen firsthand.

3) A little while later I saw a small group of helpers helping a retarded girl who had peed her pants into the restroom. They were being really nice to her and making sure she did not feel she did anything wrong.

Molly did not end up liking any of the shoes available and then we paid over seven dollars each for sandwiches at the food court before we headed home. Even now the horrible lives of the people at the mall are causing me pretty haunting thoughts. That lady with the birthmark, can she even feel it when she scratches the thick purple skin?

Kimora Lee Simmons

What the fuck is that all about

Greeks and Catholics

Dang I guess I should have figured on getting emails from folks who know that Greeks ain't tend to be Roman Catholics and concerned about the Pope. Actually your emails were sent to me from Ray, because he has a public email address due to his old advice column and that was the only way folks could get in touch. Anyhow.

You got to understand that when junk and brains cross the Atlantic a lot gets lost in the mix. Gramma K is old-school Greek, but she was sold into indentured servitude at birth (Pueblo, Colorado) and brought up in a Roman Catholic household, as was Uncle George, her brother. That's why we are Greek but observe the schedule of the papacy. We ain't got much to do with the Orthodoxy.

I think you might agree that religion is one part inheritance and one part emotional problems. I sat around during this Pope stuff and I just thought that it was too bad that an old man had died; I didn't feel like a deep emotion in my bones. An old dude who had a good life died, but still who ever wants to shuffle off, you know. Nobody does. The Pope shuffled off, and at his last moments he probably didn't want to go, but he knew his stuff was shuttin' down, and his death chemicals were releasin', tryin' to alleviate him from pain. The dude faced it and he knew it. The bravest thing we ever do, half-conscious debutantes to the circles of death, is roll down that last aisle. I guess it's more like an escalator, actually, since you ain't in control of the speed.

Anyhow I guess I am glad that is over. Gramma K has done all her ceremonial rites and stuff and we ain't got to act all reverent or quiet around her. It won't be a few weeks before she is making her horrible unsalted soda bread again and also giving us jars of plums packed in air.

Who had the worst weekend, besides the Pope? Me.

Damn it I spent entirely the whole weekend on vigil at Gramma K's. I know we got all kinds of issues but when stuff is happening with the Pope the Kazenzakises ain't got no choice but to get to the place where the oldest nastiest family member lives and make some kind of heritage-style dishes and wear the black ties. Uncle George and Aunt Nina were there, and Cousin David and his wife, and Fred, and Jszanus from Omaha, and you ain't gonna believe this but even Showbiz blew into town.

If you don't know it, Showbiz is my twin brother. I ain't seen too much of his hide or tail since about two years ago, and then we didn't end exactly on auspicious circumstances (he borrowed a ton of money from me but not enough to make any difference in his debts). Even though my whole family is basically a flock of black sheep he manages to have the darkest hide of all, and is constantly being fooled by either himself or a person with a clean-pressed shirt and a convincing attitude.

He worked the room in his good style, and he looked kind of sunny and clean, which is how he usually spends the first day. He was super good with George and Nina and even held both their hands in a prayer for the Pope, which I know is BS because Showbiz ain't got a religious bone in his body. I knew from instant one that he was scoping them out for cash.

Over the Meal Table we kind of caught up, you know, in that way that brothers can do real quick and dirty while no one's listening. I will write down the dialogue we had as I remember it, so you can get a pretty clear picture of what he and I said.

BEEF: Dang man so where you at these days Showbiz

SHOWBIZ: Man, all's good! I'm in San Punto, got a gig with this local airline! You oughta come down, man!

B: How'd you get up here

S: I flew, man! My carrier, I got free flights wherever I wanna go! You need a ride, try me sometime!

B: Stuff OK with your debts, Rockford Fosgate and all that?

S: Fuckin' A, man! That's ancient news!

B: Seriously, let me know about that stuff. I'll help calculate debt tables and schedules and all of that.

S: Fuckin' A, Roast Beef! The Pope just died! Let's get us some dolmas and steal a bottle of Uncle George's Retsina!

B: Oh damn man let me find something else

S: Hah! Man, Uncle George's Retsina always gives you the ass bilge!

B: [locates a Corona on the fridge door]

Anyhow Showbiz has basically managed to find a job with the only pyramid-scheme small airport courier in the state. I didn't know you could have a pyramid scheme based on small airport transportation but it has something to do with recruiting cub scout troops to come to local small airports and then charging them a fee to watch his company's planes, which do small-scale deliveries, land and take off again. Sometimes if the pilot is sober or not smoking he will talk to the scouts, in a special "Airline Minute." Showbiz's job is to arrange these meetings with the local cub scout troops. He says the greatest part of his job is that most cub scout troops are online these days and he can find them pretty easy.

Anyhow, the Pope died, and the Kazenzakises have been pretty busy this week. Showbiz left this afternoon on a Cessna headed for Yuba City.

Man this is just nuts.

So as most of you will maybe know if you are reading this, I lived in Gramma K's trailer for a while but then I moved out and now I got digs in Ray's pool house. Still though Gramma K is real old school Greek about stuff and I got all this Easter stuff such as a little lapel pin of an angel that she wanted me to wear when I came over so she could cross me and we could pray on Showbiz for a minute. I wore the angel on my lapel and I felt completely stupid about it because a company made this stupid plastic/metal angel thing and my gramma bought it and now it is like supposed to be this important thing in our life. The bottom line is that Showbiz is a pretty stupid guy but he is my brother and no amount of religion is ever going to make me less responsible for him when he screws up. Gramma's opinion on people who screw up all the time is that we need to buy extra plastic angels for them. One time when we prayed I said I was mad at Showbiz for letting us all down and she slapped me really hard across the left part of my mouth, kind of putting a sting on the left part of my lips, which took a few days to heal.