Had some poems pilin' up

Alright so like once in a while I'm like whoah there are all these poems crowdin' my desktop why don't I just move them to the Internet and keep them safe. Okay so here is some stuff from recent times.

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Raw Deal
by R. Beef Kazenzakis
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Crudités tray sitting there
You reach for a bite
The cauliflower head...too perfect
A movement, the florets fall away
Tarantula shoots up your sleeve

Ohhh shiiiiiit


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Asparagus piece
by R. Beef Kazenzakis
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Asparagus spear is just that
The bushman hurls it through the air
Wait who invited a -GAAAAACK-

[Ohhh shiiiiiit]

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Corned Beef Sandwich
by R. Beef Kazenzakis
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Corned beef sandwich?
Think again.
This is one meal
You will not win.

The beef replaced
With pure beef taste
Brushed onto
A meat-like case

Close your jaws
Depress the plunger
Your head explodes
Inside-out hunger

oh shiiiiiiiiiiit!

A thing with the gardeners

Alright so like it is a thing now—but no one has even said a word—about what is goin' down with the landscaping around the pool shed where Molly and I live on Ray's spread.

Up 'til now, since whenever, Ray's yard crew just trimmed it and fixed the drip system and stuff, all about their business. Last two months, on their regular day, they never even came by. I got to know if Ray is sendin' me some kind of signal here. I mean I am down of course to pay for maintenance on this place but damn does the dude got to speak it out this way. It is causin' me hell of smackers (pretend smacks on the forehead with a hand) every time I think about it and plus this morning I woke up from a dream about a foreign kid with huge lice on his head and I think the huge lice were representing my problem with Ray eating at my brain. Needless to say I almost did my britches at this nightmare and I nearly put soup in the sink besides.

I guess next time I know for sure he is outta the house I am gonna work on the landscaping around the pool shed, and see if he mentions anything. Also I definitely got to do some breathing and stuff and try to not imagine those big fat lice sucking so hard on that screaming kid's head.