McDonald's vs Starbucks vs Ray vs Me
Dang it man but Ray just has so much faith in McDonald's it is ridiculous. Today it came out in the news that Mickey D's is gonna try to compete with Starbucks by havin' baristas and fancy coffee drinks and Ray was just all kinds of sure that was gonna put Starbucks outta business. It's lazy to side with the big-ass (well, bigger-ass) ruthless worldwide conglomerate and it shows no bag. Maybe that's how you make it in his investments and finances world but lazy don't fly with me.
RAY: Check it out, dude! McDonald’s is gonna wipe Starbucks off the map by havin’ baristas and fancy coffee drinks!
ME: Man that is baloney the Venn diagram of their customer bases looks like an eight
RAY: Say what you want. McDonald’s plays to win.
ME: Tell me what you like most about Starbucks I mean I know you get coffee there
RAY: The chicks who work there, dude! All tight black pants, smilin’, hell of took a shower lately...
ME: Now tell me what you remember about the McDonald’s worker chicks
RAY: They...they get these weird little purple blotches on their faces, but they don’t seem to come to a head. And...and they got those flappy bellies that the company makes them tuck into their pants. Bellies that could hang into a sink, but not stick out above a sink. Wait, hold on a minute, man—
ME: Plus think about it Ray if they can’t even repeat NUMBER THREE, DIET COKE how they gonna do with a double venti short tall nonfat mocha no foam cappuccino with two ice cubes and a half shot of sugarfree vanilla for Mackenzie who by the way is a skinny woman in Versace sunglasses and not a fat Irish man in an Aran cable sweater holding a Guinness
RAY: Well, they wouldn't offer all those options, first of all. You wouldn't be allowed to customize.
ME: In that case they ain't competin' with Starbucks then since Starbucks' whole model is that Starbucks is the ONLY place you can get your exact drink and your exact drink is a sacred event without which your day is ruined
RAY: That may be, but there are a lotta fringe people who ain't into complicated coffee drinks yet and Starbucks ain't got their business. McDonald's will get these customers.
ME: So my point about the Venn diagram holds up even on your side because McDonald's would not be taking any existing customers from Starbucks and in fact McDonald's will actually serve as a gateway to frou-frou coffee which will then lead frou-frou coffee converts to the greater options and hotter, bathed chicks of Starbucks
RAY: Jesus Christ, dude! How much in advance did you think about all this?! Enough, already!
ME: I don't have to think about things in advance to know what I think
RAY: Alright, alright. Maybe Starbucks will stay in business. You only all on about this 'cause your fiancée works there.
- - -
We cooled it from there, since I knew I was just gettin' steamed and gonna dis on my fellow, and all in all I knew it wasn't more than just cola wars. Let Starbucks and Mickey D's try to out-sell each other in hot brown narcotics and god but am I ashamed I even let myself get worked up for either side. Jesus Christ do I got to go on that week-long trip to the desert men sometimes need.
RAY: Check it out, dude! McDonald’s is gonna wipe Starbucks off the map by havin’ baristas and fancy coffee drinks!
ME: Man that is baloney the Venn diagram of their customer bases looks like an eight
RAY: Say what you want. McDonald’s plays to win.
ME: Tell me what you like most about Starbucks I mean I know you get coffee there
RAY: The chicks who work there, dude! All tight black pants, smilin’, hell of took a shower lately...
ME: Now tell me what you remember about the McDonald’s worker chicks
RAY: They...they get these weird little purple blotches on their faces, but they don’t seem to come to a head. And...and they got those flappy bellies that the company makes them tuck into their pants. Bellies that could hang into a sink, but not stick out above a sink. Wait, hold on a minute, man—
ME: Plus think about it Ray if they can’t even repeat NUMBER THREE, DIET COKE how they gonna do with a double venti short tall nonfat mocha no foam cappuccino with two ice cubes and a half shot of sugarfree vanilla for Mackenzie who by the way is a skinny woman in Versace sunglasses and not a fat Irish man in an Aran cable sweater holding a Guinness
RAY: Well, they wouldn't offer all those options, first of all. You wouldn't be allowed to customize.
ME: In that case they ain't competin' with Starbucks then since Starbucks' whole model is that Starbucks is the ONLY place you can get your exact drink and your exact drink is a sacred event without which your day is ruined
RAY: That may be, but there are a lotta fringe people who ain't into complicated coffee drinks yet and Starbucks ain't got their business. McDonald's will get these customers.
ME: So my point about the Venn diagram holds up even on your side because McDonald's would not be taking any existing customers from Starbucks and in fact McDonald's will actually serve as a gateway to frou-frou coffee which will then lead frou-frou coffee converts to the greater options and hotter, bathed chicks of Starbucks
RAY: Jesus Christ, dude! How much in advance did you think about all this?! Enough, already!
ME: I don't have to think about things in advance to know what I think
RAY: Alright, alright. Maybe Starbucks will stay in business. You only all on about this 'cause your fiancée works there.
- - -
We cooled it from there, since I knew I was just gettin' steamed and gonna dis on my fellow, and all in all I knew it wasn't more than just cola wars. Let Starbucks and Mickey D's try to out-sell each other in hot brown narcotics and god but am I ashamed I even let myself get worked up for either side. Jesus Christ do I got to go on that week-long trip to the desert men sometimes need.
