Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Who had the worst weekend, besides the Pope? Me.

Damn it I spent entirely the whole weekend on vigil at Gramma K's. I know we got all kinds of issues but when stuff is happening with the Pope the Kazenzakises ain't got no choice but to get to the place where the oldest nastiest family member lives and make some kind of heritage-style dishes and wear the black ties. Uncle George and Aunt Nina were there, and Cousin David and his wife, and Fred, and Jszanus from Omaha, and you ain't gonna believe this but even Showbiz blew into town.

If you don't know it, Showbiz is my twin brother. I ain't seen too much of his hide or tail since about two years ago, and then we didn't end exactly on auspicious circumstances (he borrowed a ton of money from me but not enough to make any difference in his debts). Even though my whole family is basically a flock of black sheep he manages to have the darkest hide of all, and is constantly being fooled by either himself or a person with a clean-pressed shirt and a convincing attitude.

He worked the room in his good style, and he looked kind of sunny and clean, which is how he usually spends the first day. He was super good with George and Nina and even held both their hands in a prayer for the Pope, which I know is BS because Showbiz ain't got a religious bone in his body. I knew from instant one that he was scoping them out for cash.

Over the Meal Table we kind of caught up, you know, in that way that brothers can do real quick and dirty while no one's listening. I will write down the dialogue we had as I remember it, so you can get a pretty clear picture of what he and I said.

BEEF: Dang man so where you at these days Showbiz

SHOWBIZ: Man, all's good! I'm in San Punto, got a gig with this local airline! You oughta come down, man!

B: How'd you get up here

S: I flew, man! My carrier, I got free flights wherever I wanna go! You need a ride, try me sometime!

B: Stuff OK with your debts, Rockford Fosgate and all that?

S: Fuckin' A, man! That's ancient news!

B: Seriously, let me know about that stuff. I'll help calculate debt tables and schedules and all of that.

S: Fuckin' A, Roast Beef! The Pope just died! Let's get us some dolmas and steal a bottle of Uncle George's Retsina!

B: Oh damn man let me find something else

S: Hah! Man, Uncle George's Retsina always gives you the ass bilge!

B: [locates a Corona on the fridge door]

Anyhow Showbiz has basically managed to find a job with the only pyramid-scheme small airport courier in the state. I didn't know you could have a pyramid scheme based on small airport transportation but it has something to do with recruiting cub scout troops to come to local small airports and then charging them a fee to watch his company's planes, which do small-scale deliveries, land and take off again. Sometimes if the pilot is sober or not smoking he will talk to the scouts, in a special "Airline Minute." Showbiz's job is to arrange these meetings with the local cub scout troops. He says the greatest part of his job is that most cub scout troops are online these days and he can find them pretty easy.

Anyhow, the Pope died, and the Kazenzakises have been pretty busy this week. Showbiz left this afternoon on a Cessna headed for Yuba City.