No more money for poems I guess

Dang man Chris was like "no sorry no more money for poems the deal fell through" so I guess I got to not post my poems here anymore. Too bad, there was just this insane one comin' up that dealt with a long black licorice rope and a child's nightmare. I wonder what happened with him. I guess poems are a rough business, lots of competition from ladies and high school people.

Well let's see now what is interesting...defragged my drives on Monday, got into a new flavor of sunflower seed on Monday night while that was finishing up (Salsa Limon, real spicy, often makes me cough), and pretty late on Monday I read this real interesting article about people who get on heroin. It turns out that phrase "there but for the grace of God go I," could also go a lot like "there but for the grace of not having tried heroin go I." Pretty sticky sweets, that stuff.

Rest of the week is pretty mundane stuff, just tryin' not to spend too much money and then we gonna get cracked on Friday 'cause Ray is havin' this party where the theme is to be stoned and paint his emptied-out swimming pool (it needed repairs after we jumped this beater old Nissan into it last week).

Product return at OfficePerfect

Man so like I had this pretty rough day, this guy at OfficePerfect thought I was lying about this defective hard drive I needed to return and asked me all kinds of dumb questions about master/slave pin arrangement and partitions and I was like look dude these simple basic questions are kind of like asking me if I put my socks inside my shoes this morning and can you please call a clerk who is less of a runty little asshole from high school man can you? I actually said those exact words and he looked at me kind of in a hard challenge but then when I continued to stare at him and wave the hard drive under my nose real slow I guess he remembered that he was a runty asshole from high school and he left.

Man why are there kids like that.

Anyhow then I got this real big lady who was just so sweet about everything, you know, the kind of person who is like "all the bullshit of this world is nothing to me, can I set things right with you, because I have that power," and I was like damn thank you Female Partition Jesus for sending just like the first nice person in twenty years down my path so I can get a new hard drive without much hassle and also just relate with a person who is kind in the first place. I do not mix much with essentially kind people.

At the short and tasty end of it I traded up slightly for a bigger HD and most importantly I met a person who I think is good. I never meet a person who is even remotely good, in my dealings over hw/food/what have you, so it was memorable. I know the lady from OfficePerfect probably has no recollection of this but it left a pretty big impression on me.

Oh man I can get a Swiss army knife now

Dang I was down at Hidden Hills Trading Post today looking for a propane canister for this camp stove I am usin' to cook outdoors this summer and dang I saw this counter display of Victorinox Swiss Army Knives. If you were ever a kid and mainly a guy kid you know what I'm talking about. When you are like 8, a Swiss Army Knife is way better, and much more exciting than even pussy. (This is mainly because if I had had access to a pussy at age 8, I would have like yelled into it and run away laughing, and other things which if I did them at my current age would be guaranteed to get my photo up at the post office.) Anyways my dream as a kid was always to get just the biggest one they made, the SwissChamp, which has 33 features including a micro-screwdriver for glasses frames, a fish scaler, magnifying glass...you know what I mean.

I looked around the tri-sided display case a few times before seeing it: The SwissChamp. Oh man it is like 1.6" wide and just the fattest little thing you ever wanted to hold in your hand. It is like Golden Hand Dimensions, you know, that concept from geometry but applied to ergonomics. The hand evolved to hold this item. All of its tools were artfully fanned out and damn I almost whipped out the debit card right there. "I can probably get more of a deal on eBay though," I thought, "especially on a used one that might be missing the toothpick which I never wanted anyway." Damn it was exciting to think that just lickety-snap I could have bought the holy grail of boy childhood just like that. Simultaneously, it was depressing to think that I no longer had the freedom from worries and cares to properly enjoy such a thing. If I disappeared into the woods for seven hours then my spam emails would stack up like a thousand deep and Molly would be all pissed and like "where did you go why didn't you tell me" and Ray would probably come around needin' help gettin' his mouse plugged into the USB port and there is a chance other things might happen. I can't get to whittlin' a simple pine twig or constructing a bridge for ants or a flutter-mill over a rivulet etc. That time is past, I guess.

So, I will not buy the knife, which is good since for reasons mentioned past I got to be more sensible about money. What is going on with me lately?! I am completely trying to spend money at every turn. I need to examine if I am watching too much TV ads.

July Poems (getting $10 now)

Chris said he got some real strong interest in my June poems so he upped the ante to ten bucks a month for 1k of poems. That was real nice of him, you know. I'm gonna try to sock some of this away as Savings 'cause I been pretty irresponsible lately, bought this six-pack of retro-lookin' sodas at this upscale grocery store simply because Molly said she thought they were cute and I was (in my mind) all "let's be the Man here, treat the lady to a thing." So anyhow I guess this month's poetry money is already spent but ain't no man on earth isn't born owin' all his wages to the bank or the tax man.

Anyhow, here is a poem for now.

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Let's All Taste My Pizza Pie
by R. Beef Kazenzakis
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Look, I paid for it,
But I guess take a bite.
When dudes who don't share die
No one gives a shite.

No don't offer me a Camel
I didn't mean to scowl.
Sure yes have another piece
I'll go get you a paper towel.

Oh you had a third!
I guess it is quite tasty.
What is that you say?
You missed your morning pastry?

Look now just eat what you want
And I will take what's left.
I used to think more of you Todd,
Until this pizza theft.
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Okay so uh that poem isn't real important or anything but I was trying to get down the techniques he used to eat four slices of my fresh hot pizza from Affagattzo's. When he leaves you learn that he is a master at just playing you for what he wants when originally you should have just kicked him on the side of the body.