Thursday, July 07, 2005

Oh man I can get a Swiss army knife now

Dang I was down at Hidden Hills Trading Post today looking for a propane canister for this camp stove I am usin' to cook outdoors this summer and dang I saw this counter display of Victorinox Swiss Army Knives. If you were ever a kid and mainly a guy kid you know what I'm talking about. When you are like 8, a Swiss Army Knife is way better, and much more exciting than even pussy. (This is mainly because if I had had access to a pussy at age 8, I would have like yelled into it and run away laughing, and other things which if I did them at my current age would be guaranteed to get my photo up at the post office.) Anyways my dream as a kid was always to get just the biggest one they made, the SwissChamp, which has 33 features including a micro-screwdriver for glasses frames, a fish scaler, magnifying know what I mean.

I looked around the tri-sided display case a few times before seeing it: The SwissChamp. Oh man it is like 1.6" wide and just the fattest little thing you ever wanted to hold in your hand. It is like Golden Hand Dimensions, you know, that concept from geometry but applied to ergonomics. The hand evolved to hold this item. All of its tools were artfully fanned out and damn I almost whipped out the debit card right there. "I can probably get more of a deal on eBay though," I thought, "especially on a used one that might be missing the toothpick which I never wanted anyway." Damn it was exciting to think that just lickety-snap I could have bought the holy grail of boy childhood just like that. Simultaneously, it was depressing to think that I no longer had the freedom from worries and cares to properly enjoy such a thing. If I disappeared into the woods for seven hours then my spam emails would stack up like a thousand deep and Molly would be all pissed and like "where did you go why didn't you tell me" and Ray would probably come around needin' help gettin' his mouse plugged into the USB port and there is a chance other things might happen. I can't get to whittlin' a simple pine twig or constructing a bridge for ants or a flutter-mill over a rivulet etc. That time is past, I guess.

So, I will not buy the knife, which is good since for reasons mentioned past I got to be more sensible about money. What is going on with me lately?! I am completely trying to spend money at every turn. I need to examine if I am watching too much TV ads.