Doggs I Bought a Boat

Alright so I wasn't really going for this but I was walking along the bay piers this morning (I woke up at four o'clock again and needed to get away from the house before I freaked out) and I bought a boat. I am not a guy who has a boat but I guess we all got to come to terms with my having a boat now.

It's not a great boat but it's got a closed cabin and a sail (I think it actually has two sails) and some electronics that help you get saved in a storm. There's this main bed area inside the cabin and dammit I am such an idiot but I think I bought the boat because I imagined Molly and me having sex in the bed. Because no one could bug us way out on the sea. I actually thought that. I think I might have actually bought a boat based on the idea that nobody could interrupt my sex activities. Jesus did my family do a number on me. I have to be honest and say that at least one particular uncle never knocked on the bathroom door when I was doing a deuce at Christmas or Thanksgiving, he just opened it straight up. That guy basically ruined my life and my nervous system.

The boat is currently named CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE but I have begun paperwork to get that changed. I'm hopin' to get it named something cool like DOCK DORK or SLIP TWIT. You can dis on that but in the end I have a boat and you don't, which is true.