Monday, August 30, 2004

Man what is wrong at Jack in the Box

Me and the boys go on down to Jack in the Box once a week to have Dudes' Lunch. Lately I been noticing that all the cars that go through the drive-thru order, pay, pull over and park, and a few minutes later a lady comes out with their food. What kind of a drive-thru is that? They never had this problem in the past. How does Jack in the Box go from knowing how to have a drive-thru to not knowing how to have a drive-thru. Could someone please explain that to me, because I can't wrap my head around it.

I had the $0.99 chicken sandwich and small seasoned curly fries with a water.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

IKEA Calling

Man I found an IKEA catalog by Molly's side of the bed. This is in addition to the flowers she bought for the room. She is definitely putting her mark on this place. Also I noticed she took an alcohol wipe and wiped all the brown grease off the area of my laptop where my wrists rest. I guess this is good, but it seems like a Slippery Slope you know. It's funny cause like a week ago I was all puffed up like the Man thinking about the serious commitment but now I am all encroached upon when I see that she wants to buy a shoe organizer. What a place is this life. What a place, my doggs.

Sunday, August 22, 2004


So my uncle and aunt George and Nina Kostantinos renewed their wedding vows way on up in Hercules today and we went on up to that. The priest was being such a dick. Like, the singers would finish their song and he would just sit reading the bible for over ten seconds before getting up to continue the ceremony. Then after this one song he didn't even read the bible and his eyes were closed and I was like "oh wow maybe this will be one of those ceremonies where the priest dies" but he eventually got up and blabbed.

When Uncle George and Aunt Nina were about to come up the aisle we got these little bubble things to blow, you know, and I did some practice bubbles. The priest came at me from the side and was all DO NOT blow bubbles in the church! To Gramma K he even said "ah, just like a big baby boy!" (I guess the bubbles were for outside)

Man tonight I was realizing that I should have called the priest out. Nobody calls me a big baby boy without getting the shit batted back at him. I don't care if he was a priest. He was pretty fat and just had white puffy hair at the sides of his head. When you are not religious, you really don't mind having a challenge at a priest on his home court. I would not have touched him, but I could have backed him into a corner in front of everybody. I cold knew in my bones that old dogg was just bluster and shiny cloth.

I should have ruined that priest. A priest has nothing on me.

Thursday, August 19, 2004


Alright I had a pretty bad panic attack on Tuesday so it's definitely not the time to be asking any lady to put my diamond X on her normal Y. Had to lay down on the bed but couldn't sleep, just sweated and thought I was dying for sure, no one left to take care of Gramma K, why do other folks who are bad get to live, the usual routine. It passed after about a day and a half and I was in such a good mood that I made these bookshelves out of cinder blocks and wide wood boards. Molly doesn't like it but it's kind of a nice monument to a time I was really happy. Since then I've evened out and am just puttering around not getting too much done. Hair kind of raggedy, got to go see Lyle I guess.

Sunday, August 15, 2004


Damn I did not expect to feel this way but maybe it is getting to that Point. I was down getting some books at Crown Hat today and I spent like a real minute looking at rings in the window at the jeweler. Man I got no business toying with that stuff. It's just a nice thought to play with.

Monday, August 09, 2004

Classy Man dinner

Dang tonight Molly cooked me up a steak and a baked potato with red wine, and then after dinner brought me a hell of cold martini. It was a total Classy Man dinner. Now she's in the shower and she said to get undressed and get into bed. Man this is so sweet. Oops, the shower just went off. Roast Beef, you are the Man.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Goin' to see Pat in leg rehab

So Pat's doctor rang me up. It turns out Pat brought his laptop to leg rehab with him but the Ambulance doctors had forgotten to bring his power supply so I dropped that off and brought him some cashews. Also he had me run kind of a secret mission for him, since they don't give him Internet access in leg rehab (I was wonderin' why he'd been offline all week). I slipped him a thick paper bag full of the goods: new issues of Backstage Pass, Shaven Desires, BBW Gold, all that nasty old stuff he likes. He slipped me forty for it and I knew he didn't want to chitchat. I mean, I ain’t gonna say the guy likes to jack off but if he ran a restaurant there would be lotion on the tables. We've always had this weird understanding about how he likes to j/o, even though he would deny it to everybody else on earth 'til the day he died. Even his gravestone would angrily say "I never did!" I ain't exactly sure how it started that it was cool and understood between us that he j/o's, but it seems like it always has been. Maybe he always knew he'd need a friend who'd be cool when a night like tonight finally came around. That would show some pretty good foresight.

Friday, August 06, 2004

Since when am I the Picasso around here

Dang Ray just had me over to make a papier mâché Phil Collins head. I don't know why he called me, I ain't particularly artistic. Anyhow I spent some time working with some Google Image photos and I think I got the thing basically about correct. It has that bacon-sized widow's peak and everything. I did kind of an '83 Phil, with decent full hair in the back, not that Patrick Stewart thing he's doin' now. Anyhow, Ray said that he liked the head a lot and that I should go away and come back later. I guess he is trying to make sure people do not see him set up for the party. Hopefully this time there will be less of an emphasis on dancing. Okay, got to water the plants.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Oh man huevos rancheros dinner

Dang I just cooked up the tastiest huevos rancheros dinner for us. I got some home fries real crispy, dumped in some drained black beans with jack and cheddar (shredded, not the whole bars), tossed it and let it melt all real good, and served it over a cooked-up egg on a tortilla. Oh damn it was good, it was so rich and crispy and cheesy. It was so good. Oh man, I am so happy. It was so good. It was good.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

What in the dang

Man I was outside watering the new jasmine shrubs and my shorts stone fell down again. Molly was bending over weeding the dahlia bed and didn't see, but when I dropped the hose to pick them up, the hose landed in the craw and made this huge water stain, so I had to spray the whole shorts to hide it. She looked at me kind of weird as I was standing there spraying my shorts with the hose, but I just smiled and whistled like I was cooling myself off.

I'm gettin' worried about all this shorts falling down stuff. Maybe I'm losing weight real fast because of a health problem, like I'm getting Crohn's disease or pancreatic cancer. Steve Jobs just got cured of pancreatic cancer, maybe I got it like on the exact day he got cured.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Just doin' some gardening, making some food, no big deal of a day

Things were kind of tense between Molly and me yesterday because she was mad at me for not dancing at Ray's. I tried to explain that for me dancing is like being shot at by guns but I guess some things a person just can't understand. She kept pulling my arm real hard to get me out on the dance floor but I was all Newton's Third on that, and ditched into the crowd. She finally got Téodor to dance with her, which was a huge relief, but they were only out there for a few seconds before Pat showed up with this cane and pushed everybody off the dance floor and started trying to make this really chubby lady dance with him. She wasn't having any of it and kept slapping him on the face and the sides of the head so finally he pushed her away and she was just glaring at him, her nostrils totally puffing open and closed. Then he squatted down and started slapping his thighs and knees in time with the music. Folks could make no kind of sense of this, and just when we were starting to get really uncomfortable, he sprung up and did this kind of crazy backflip and broke both of his legs. I looked at Molly and was like "see, dancin's no good" but she just scowled at me and went to call an ambulance.

The party picked up pretty good after they hauled Pat away, and Téodor and Molly seemed to like dancing together so I played some blackjack (Ray's new butler dealt for about an hour) and lost twenty bucks. That's okay because I ate at least that much worth of fresh oysters on the half shell, damn those were good.

Anyhow today we're just planting some stuff around the yard and enjoying not being mad at each other. I think we're gonna make a Boboli for dinner and I'm gonna put salami on my half.