Wednesday, January 05, 2005


Dang I got to calm down. Molly had kind of a scratchy throat and so I said I would make her soup dinner if she rested on the couch under a blanket, but she didn't want any of the soups she had so I kind of played The Man and was all Yeah I will go get you some of your favorite flavors of soup. I went over to Round Nation, since they are open late and have a pretty decent selection of fresh bread (she likes crusty cheese toast) and those fancy canned Vonrieght Auf Den Krightenmueller gourmet soups. His soups are freaky-sodiumy but she has naturally low blood pressure so it is not so much of an issue with her. I got her a can of "Spaetzle with Squab Confit" or something since that was about as close as he gets to chicken soup. I also picked up some Pemmican Tender for the walk home, but you ain't got to know about that.

Anyhow the thing that made me nervous was that when I was checking out the clerk lady counted out a twenty for me even though I did not select Cash Back. I think she was just in the routine of giving people a twenty back. I took it, even though I had so many voices in my head telling me not to. I tucked it nonchalantly into my pocket and left with my bag. The whole time when I was walking across the dark parking lot and down along the sidewalk home I felt like cops were gonna bust all up on me and corner me. I was stiff and in hell the whole time. I should have just realized that no one was gonna miss that twenty until they closed a couple hours later. But now I can't go back there because they all will know I'm a crook. Man why did I take that twenty. If I could ever do a single thing to not screw up my life it would be a goddam miracle.