Peptic ulcer ?

Man it is almost impossible to diagnose your own medical problems on the Internet. I thought I might be getting a peptic ulcer (coughing up lots of mucus plus weird stuff is happening in the bathroom and I don't mean that the toothbrushes are dancing around to songs) so I went on Google and it turns out I could have like 1,000 different afflictions. I need to get a health plan so I can see a doctor and not pay $485 for the visit. It is the modern age, I should not die of like a simple imbalance of stomach chemicals. Why in the dogg we do not have socialized medical care is beyond me. We have emailed a robot to Jupiter but we cannot go to the doctor. What in the chicken is that all about.