Yeah so what if I went to the dildo store

Jesus man it does not need to be such a big deal if a regular man goes to the dildo store. Man did I have a damn issue even though a dildo is a basic product and there should be a basic courteous system for buying it. The issue was with the damn earth-dyke ladies who think it is so wicked-cool that they run a dildo store that they cannot take even a moment to sell you a dildo without getting all, "pig-like man, don't you realize that the very joists of the earth come out of a woman's bodungeon" about the whole thing. Jesus I have had it with clerks where the attitude comes first. Sorry to get all Pat.

So anyhow I was looking at all the cases for the longest time with the line "yes please just one real basic manageable dildo" running in my head in case anyone should ever try to help me, but no one ever did. They kept hanging out towards the end of the counter and talking about this recent event which most local lesbians had been at, involving the weekend and a lot of chain-lingerie and the gleeful pissing off of older conservative-type people on the sidewalk. Finally after about five hundred and sixty-seven minutes this lady in a small leather policeman cap and a metal bracelet around her bicep asked me what I needed and I said "a basic dildo without machine functions and maybe just a moderate amount of inches." I guess they aren't used to the plain facts or whatever because there became this big ha-ha-ha of all the ladies gathering around and laughing at what I said. Real humorless I held up four twenty-dollar bills and gave the first lady a pretty cold one right into the eye, which got her attention. After a few seconds of looking at the money she remembered that even jerks got to pay rent and got out a pretty plain little number called "The Colt" and gave me my change. Damn was it good to get out of that goddamned place. Jesus why does it got to be so hard to get anyone an anniversary present in this town. Man am I all steamed up.